This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
