At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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