Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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