tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
