I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
