Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
