I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
