oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
