"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
