I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Pants are for mortals
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
