If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
