the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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