I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
