brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
