I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
