UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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