i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
