Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
