He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
