I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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