making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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