My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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