Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
