I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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