I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
