i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I am one with the molecules
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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