Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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