I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
