You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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