...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
