Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
