Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
