She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
