and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize