What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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