Im at strip club and am horny
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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