If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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