Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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