I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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