lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
