I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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