Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
