I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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