so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
