I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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