Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
