dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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