K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
