community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
