Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
