yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
