careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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