I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
