Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
