My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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