True but thats because hes a fetus.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
