i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
