I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
