could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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