My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
