I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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