I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
